Except I actually do whoops I feel like I have entered some really weird emotional cycle of highs and lows, to which some may say is completely normal....but I've never felt like I was on a "roller coaster of emotions", as the many YA books that I read in middle school described. I mean sure, I've always had varying stress levels, but I've always been consistently happy? Or at least content. But now the only consistent thing about my disposition is its propensity to change. For example, since I last wrote my last personal post about how I was on my way to getting my shit together, I have gone through at least three periods of uncertainty, fear, and doubt as well as three periods of hope, happiness, and stability. Sigh. Right now I'm feeling pretty secure (thank you Heebin for agreeing to room with me ily) and happy (CNY celebrations with my sisters were pretty bomb)...but it's just annoying that I don't know if/how long the high is going to last. Do I sound ungrateful yet? So many people have it way worse than me emotionally...and even when it comes to securing basic rights (both physical and mental) that I feel like I sound like a whiny bitch. At the same time, this blog is really the only avenue for my feelings (since I don't tell people irl what I'm feeling...which is probably not that healthy lol) so I should revel in my whininess? I dunno. Either way, sorry that you have to put up with this shit. I'll make it up to y'all with...some more NYC posts? Idk that'll probably make it worse haha. (Also p.s. I made a bucket list page that has lists of everything I want to do/eat in NYC and the world so hopefully I can actually share about the times I check things off those lists and not be super whiny 25/8♡) |
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PALLAVI19 year old weeb trying to figure shit out @p.allavi
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August 2015
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